create |krēˈāt| verb [ trans. ] bring (something) into existence : he created, God is Creator (The last Friday journel & summit part III)

Over the last month (and then some) has been a time of rediscovery, rediscovering of my calling and who I am.

One thing that became clear is that I have decided being creative publicly isn't worth the cost. Since I stopped creativity publicly, privately creativity has been quickly drying up, so much so to the point when someone asks me to create I can't even begin to think of what I would do. A lost feeling.

This past week at the summit there was an art table, to help us express what God had impressed upon our hearts. On Monday a picture came to mind as a way to describe what we were feeling. When I shared this mental image with a lady she asked if I was artistically talented at all. Honestly with a quiet "Yes" I answered. She pointed to the art table and asked me to try and show us what I saw. There at that moment I wanted to break down in tears and say no, ask me to do anything else but not drawing. I was slightly terrified.
I imagined no one could see me, picked up some charcoal and started. After that first picture was done it took all the guts I could muster to set it down on the sharing table.

It wasn't until I was finishing up drawing number 4 that I realized I was doing it again, I was creating. After wandering in the desert at last I could smell the cool air of the forest and hear the song bird's melody.

Dear God,
You create. You created me. You made me in your image. I'm sorry I hid from You, that I let the fear rule what I would do, even how I thought. Please take these hands back. Please fill my mind with dreams again.