February 18th-

Something was said, I lost it.
Up to this point I hadn't cried, the tears hadn't found their way to my eyes.
I brushed past people and climbed over the pew. The closing hymn was being sung, but I couldn't wait. I had to get away. I had to cry.

Out the back door I found a field, some trees and sun. I leaned against the wooden church. There in that sunshine silence I cried aloud. I ached to be comforted. I morned the loss of arms that I could never hold again. I wept knowing one day I would hold them, and that this death was the beagianing of new type of goodbyes. I cried again. A women of such love was gone leaving behind a family of tears, missing the one they loved but glad she's healed. I cried feeling the familes pain. I cried because pain had ended.

I stood there. The breeze ran his fingers through my hair. The sun warmed my shaking body. The fresh warm Spring air filled my tight lungs, then, then I heard the birds. Their song reached my ears. A simple morning song. Listening, simply listening, I let them speak, speak of his love, of his faithfulness.

The wind, the sun, the air and the birds wrapped me up in the Father's arms.  I simply was in him. She is in him.

Life begins now, it doesn't stop.

M. L. S.

She is a beautiful women.
Life starts at the  time of trusting God, everything before that was a shadow. Death is a shadow on the life of those who trust, just a shadow.

She has been sick for years. A couple of summers ago we laughed on the beach, while the family gathered for a celebration, a wedding, two people vowing their love to each other before God.

Air was painful. The soft breeze I would open my mouth to drink  had forgotten the path down to her lungs. She spoke in a whisper, a whisper of kindness.

She smiled, she cared, had gentle words.

Last Summer we gathered for another celebration, a graduation, a person stepping forth giving their future to the service of God.

This Winter I heard the sickness had increased, the pain had intensified.

Quietly we gathered again, for yet one more celebration, a celebration of life given for the service of God, of one who cared, who mothered, who lived out her vow to love just one man. A celebration of a life fully lived, a life that passed through the shadow called death, only to continue living. Living completely with no hindrances.

Sabbeth (when it's all about so much more...)

Today is a day of remembering. Here are some verses my fingers need to type out.

The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving towards all he made.

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on the truth. (ps145:17)




The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love. (ps147:11)


I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift my voice to the Lord for mercy..... When my spirit grows faint within me, it was you who know my way. (ps1421&3)



It's been a long few weeks (months... years) but I'm excited to see what God will do.

God,
Please bring me close to you. Keep me soft, keep me humble. continue working on my heart, don't stop now, even though I think it's uncomfortable. May I see even this time as a time of letting your glory shine. Help me rest in you.


 p.s. We are made out of clay, aren't we? :) 

an email

If you're in ministry probably just the title of this post already has your skin crawling. How many messes get larger through emails.... so much so the pastor who oversees me has band me from having ministry related conversations with people through email, I must have them face to face or over phone.

Today a parent responded to our weekly news letter. They simply politely asked to be removed from the email list, as they have started to go to another church. (very simple, no drama)

I almost quickly responded in a similar fashion : "Sure, no problem :) " Before I could type it out I began to wonder....

Do I want it to seem like I'm happy they're gone? Or that it is no biggie, like deciding to use Firefox instead of Safari? I can't ask through email whats going on. I want to know why they left. Maybe it's a better fit for their family, maybe it's in their neighborhood. Maybe it's with family. These would all be positive reasons to leave.

But... I didn't hear a word about it...

Maybe their upset. Maybe they didn't feel like they fit in. Maybe...

But I didn't hear a word.

Maybe I should leave well enough alone.

Maybe I should ask.

You don't just walk out of peoples' lives.

They didn't teach me how to say goodbye.

singing and thoughts about life....

This evening as we gathered to sing a friend from Zambia along with her mother sang a special song. They sang it in their people's tongue. The song was Come tho Fount (a fav) but it sounded different (very different). I've sung with this friend before but her singing hadn't stuck out to me like it did tonight, tonight I could hear so many levels of joy and love.

....

It reminded me of when we actually truly do, love, act, speak the way we (me or you) are meant too (not a bunch of well behaved clones but a bunch of people who are responding to this crazy love of God's) . How when someone is truly alive (jn10:10) it is like going from black and white to technicolor.... black n white is fine... but Toto we're not suppose to be in Kansas anymore.

Why do we try so very hard to be like others... we end up like nobody... but what is worse nobody is us... the real us that is meant to be LIVED.

A story, a story about Jesus and his crazy love for us.

If you're looking for a children's Bible try "the Jesus Storybook Bible" it has colorful pictures and doesn't speak down to children but in a way they can understand, and importantly it's correct, it tells the truth. Sometimes when telling stories from the Bible to children we have trouble articulating the main points or feel like the edges should be softened (skip the stories of doubt & focus on love). This children's Bible does a good job of telling God's story of loving us and coming to save us, because we need saving.

Better then a fairy godmother (Prayer Summit part VI)

I should be crawling into bed, or looking over the Bible study notes again, but really I just want to take a moment to remember.

Remember the room full of women who prayed together. Who wanted to give gifts to each other, who wanted to give god's gifts to each other, who wanted to give the life of God (their Father) to each other. We prayed life into families, ministries, marriages, and one another.

We had been spending the days before this listening and praying only what God wanted (led, whispered) us to pray, this time wasn't a time of pulling out a wish list and the women saying Amen to it, but rather we'd share a longing, dream, hope or sorrow and we would listen and

respond. So many blessings were spoken over people, words of life and encouragement given. At one point I thought 'Poor Aurora she only had 3 fairy godmothers, and here I am be wrapped in blessings by 34 women who are listening to the Father.'

:) :) It's good to remember.

(summit part V) steward |ˈst(y)oōərd| noun.• a person responsible for...

Stewardship.

What have I been given to steward?

Made up of the words; stig (house) and weard (ward)

What house have I been given to look after?

Who (or whom) have I been given to look after?

Remember they are some one else'. Look after them like he would want me to.

Look after them like he designed me too.

Look after them with the heart that comes from him.

Don't give up.

Care for well.

There is such freedom in being given permission to love.