"... a woman..."

(pre script this is a part of a series see "...a girl..." )

In no way, shape, or form is this going to cover all of what it means to be a woman, or even how I see myself as a woman. It's simply going to open a curtain and let you peer outside.

For starter lets point out the obvious; men and women are different and when a man is acting fully and freely as a man it encourages a woman to act fully and freely as a woman.  Also there seems to be a difference between what "just anyone would do" and what a woman would do.

This is what it looks like in my life....


I want to encourage the men in my life to be the men they long to be. I want to be quick to come alongside others in their journey. To use my voice to inspire people not burden them. To protect those needing protecting and not shirking from difficult conversations but speaking (and listening) in grace and truth.

Being a woman is something I would love to be. Most of the time however I go from forgetting about it, to loving it, to being afraid of it.

There'll be times when I forget all about what it means to be a woman, and just live my normale self focused life. Then something will come along that insperes me to greatness.... maybe something that was said, or the way the sun shone, or a stirring of the soul.

"... a girl..."

So the is the first of what I'm planning is going to be a little group of posts expanding the paragraph that inspired the last post: A Safe Place.  While at a conference I attended recently they had type writers and paper with the header : "What's your story?" So I started typing...

Hello, 

My name is Anna and this is a page in my story... or should I say my page in God's story:)  I'm a girl, a woman, a MK, a pastor heart, a leader, an artist, a storyteller, an old soul, a women waiting for her man, maybe a prophetess... a daughter, a sister, and part of a promise, a promise of revival. A promise of the Spirit coming and flooding our lives, our hearts, our homes, and our selves. But like I said at the beginning this story really is God's... he's just letting me join in... What will he say? Where will he move? (show up unexpectedly) What will he do? There is no telling really, all we can do is follow and listen to the whispering wind.

"... a girl..." 

"girl |gərl|
noun
1 a female child." -my computer dictionary 

For such a cool computer this is a lousy definition. When I hear the word "girl" I think someone who encases, expresses and delights in beauty, someone who plays opposite (but not at odds) with boy.

A Safe Place

      Three weeks ago I was at a leadership retreat.  It was a beautiful time of being in nature, hearing each other, and hearing God. There where intense moments of head on spiritual battle but that really wasn't the focus more of a byproduct of the other three things.  (which is a cool picture if you stop to think about it, when we are worshiping God, enjoying his blessings and seeking to buildup each other spiritual ground is fought for). During that time we were asked "What conversation is Jesus longing to have with you?" and then "What is your impossible (only doable by Jesus) dream?" 

"What conversation is Jesus longing to have with you?" 

  (The discipline was to have this conversation at Sycamore) For me this is how it went.... I sat down in the chairs with everyone else forsaking my normal role of doing announcement because Jesus said he would take care of it.  I look up to see what he's going to say, Jesus says "Welcome" while looking right at me.  When I asked God to expand on it he filled it out by saying "You are welcome." With this simple phrase came a flood of knowing I'd hidden parts of myself in different places and only family and a few close friends knew everything, every aspect of what all makes up who I am.  The problem boiled down to because I was unsure of how to be all of who I am in all areas (people groups) of my life I just don't bring up (make myself forget) the harder to figure parts, which leaves you with an non-complete me and a non-complete picture of God in me.

Less of me, less of Him, less people can glory in Him. (besides me being confused) 

 The word "welcome" hit the strain of belonging and acceptance.  Two things many of us humans struggle with (probably in part because who we tend to seek it from are also longing for it)  (I"ll probably write about this idea of belonging and acceptance more later this summer) But for now just know it's something that has been quietly haunting me since I was around 10 years-old.  That 14ish years of wondering.  So the sentence "You are welcome." is one of being fully known, belonging and accepted. Pretty cool.



That brings us to the "Impossible Dream" which is That everyone in the church would know fully who they are and have the freedom to act fully in the talents and gifts God has given them. 
It's not world peace but the Bride living in peace with who she is.

They go together in an obvious way and actually the dream has been around for at least four years and I have only been aware of me having to come out of hiding for a month.



Where does that bring me?
I feel like I have to fully live all of myself in the life I've been given today. And maybe I'll help clear they way and set an example for others to trust Jesus with their whole life.  John 10:10 "I have come that you may have life and life to the full." has been a favorite for years, but it has taken on a deeper meaning.  ".. that you may have life (all of it)..."  This last week I was in California at a conference and the question they kept asking again and again was "What's your story?"  I want to step into a place where I tell and live my story.   

Is it going to be easy? No. I have to retrain my decision making, recreate what it means to be safe.  This whole post was started today by doing battle with myself whether or not I could share a responsive journal entry to the question "What's your story?" there are parts in it I would normally leave out.... but that seemed playing the coward.  Yet at the same time I don't know if I'm ready to share with a blog, that isn't read, all of who I am.  To say it all in one go?  .....

Lotye and Lady Moon

Pre Script: This Story isn't finished, I've been turning it over in my head a lot recently. This evening I found a draft of it I had written 3 years ago. I hope you enjoy it (despite it's roughens) and join me in anticipating it's completion (maturing).

Once there was a girl. She was thought of as little but her thoughts had no limits, she would travel all over the known and unknown worlds while playing by her creek. She was quiet, not for a lack of things to talk about but rather she was so busy (preoccupied) with her travels and concerns for her countless friends she didn't have much time to talk.
    One winter evening she noticed the moon. For the first time the Lady's glow grasped her attention. The young girl was fascinated by the milky sphere suspended in the sky. That night as she was waiting for sleep she knew it was light from the shimmering lady that filled her room.

    The following afternoon as she was walking home from school wondering whether the great purple elephant had rsvp for the a tea party that was to be held that Saturday her thoughts were interrupted by white flakes falling from the sky. This was the first snow of the winter, so all her built up child glee burst forth. She danced/skipped/spun home all the while trying to catch snow on her tongue
    After dinner she went out to make sure all her friends were warm. As she said goodnight and tucked them into their beds in trees and under bushes, she told them not to be scared for the Lady Moon would shine her light. Up she looked to thank the moon and tell her "goodnight". The little girl thought the moon looked different then the night before, but couldn't put her finger on it.

    At the end of a  long pleasant day of visiting family, eating cupcakes, and making snow angels with her cousins  the little girl woke and realized she was being carried inside by her dad. As he carried her up the long flagstone walk, she saw the moon peering through the leafless trees. "Daddy"  she was sure something was wrong, "Daddy"  "Yes dear?"   "Daddy look." she said as she pointed. "Ah yes the moon. Isn't she lovely?" He didn't seem concerned at all. She could understand why not. A few moments latter she was a sleep.

    The next few days the little girl enjoyed the abundance of snow that closed the school doors.  She was still concerned for the moon but had so many other things to do.  In the front yard there were not one or two but six snow people, the beginning of a snow village. They were fleeing from the south and asked if they could stay in the little girl's yard. Of course she said yes and helped them anyway she could think of.  Inside, the little girl and her mother baked cookies, read books, frosted cookies,  colored pictures for everyone they knew, and ate cookies.  On the third evening of this snowed-in bliss  the little girl went outside to let the snow people know she had received word from their grandfather and that he was safely in the North.   She noticed the snow gleamed like the Lady Moon. In fact the round snow people looked like moons stacked on themselves.  The following morning while cutting out biscuits it hit her. All the pieces fit together, but there was still reasonable doubt in her mind. (some people have said this doubt was hope, but it truly was doubt)  During lunch, as the little girl dunked her biscuit into her bowl of split pea soup ( a favorite soup because of the intense color, closely followed by tomato)  She thought over her thoughts one by one. The moon was no longer a circle but looked like the letter: C, the moon had begun changing the night after the first snow, the snow shimmered  the same as Lady Moon. Conclusion: ... no, it couldn't be.  She thought about it for the remainder of the day. She thought about it as she helped wash dishes, as she arranged her stuffed animals by color, as she built the largest fort in any living room every. She was still thinking about it as she sat by the window waiting for her dad to come home, even after her parents had tucked her in and turned off the lights and kissed her head she kept thinking about it.

Tru Gathering... "What's your story?"

Here we are in Californian at Tru Gathering 2012,  450 people who want to further the Kingdom and feel the tug of children.  The sessions have been good, really enjoyed the different story tellers, but I'm not sure why I'm here. I feel like I'm waiting and looking... a couple of questions have been answered, which was nice.....

Here's what I know.....
1. Before leaving I talked honestly with a fellow minister (and dad in our church) about where the families are at,  and that God is the one who grows and awakens people to deeper, fuller lives. We talked about how I could share mt heart with the dads so they would know my longing and it would be known, and they could share theirs and together we could dream and plant families that long for God, who can see and know him.

2. The leadership at church are very sportive, and I don't need to do any convincing.

3. It's my bent to want to fix, improve, go deeper, what others are doing, however I'm constantly reminded to bring them deeper into Jesus and in turn everything they touch is enriched by THEIR growing relationship with God.

4. Was in a break out and almost every idea they shared our church has already come up with, it just a matter of chasing it down all the way, feeding it healthy food and giving it room to grow, that was encouraging... still though we had already thought of them.

My question is why am I here? What do I have to offer?