A Safe Place

      Three weeks ago I was at a leadership retreat.  It was a beautiful time of being in nature, hearing each other, and hearing God. There where intense moments of head on spiritual battle but that really wasn't the focus more of a byproduct of the other three things.  (which is a cool picture if you stop to think about it, when we are worshiping God, enjoying his blessings and seeking to buildup each other spiritual ground is fought for). During that time we were asked "What conversation is Jesus longing to have with you?" and then "What is your impossible (only doable by Jesus) dream?" 

"What conversation is Jesus longing to have with you?" 

  (The discipline was to have this conversation at Sycamore) For me this is how it went.... I sat down in the chairs with everyone else forsaking my normal role of doing announcement because Jesus said he would take care of it.  I look up to see what he's going to say, Jesus says "Welcome" while looking right at me.  When I asked God to expand on it he filled it out by saying "You are welcome." With this simple phrase came a flood of knowing I'd hidden parts of myself in different places and only family and a few close friends knew everything, every aspect of what all makes up who I am.  The problem boiled down to because I was unsure of how to be all of who I am in all areas (people groups) of my life I just don't bring up (make myself forget) the harder to figure parts, which leaves you with an non-complete me and a non-complete picture of God in me.

Less of me, less of Him, less people can glory in Him. (besides me being confused) 

 The word "welcome" hit the strain of belonging and acceptance.  Two things many of us humans struggle with (probably in part because who we tend to seek it from are also longing for it)  (I"ll probably write about this idea of belonging and acceptance more later this summer) But for now just know it's something that has been quietly haunting me since I was around 10 years-old.  That 14ish years of wondering.  So the sentence "You are welcome." is one of being fully known, belonging and accepted. Pretty cool.



That brings us to the "Impossible Dream" which is That everyone in the church would know fully who they are and have the freedom to act fully in the talents and gifts God has given them. 
It's not world peace but the Bride living in peace with who she is.

They go together in an obvious way and actually the dream has been around for at least four years and I have only been aware of me having to come out of hiding for a month.



Where does that bring me?
I feel like I have to fully live all of myself in the life I've been given today. And maybe I'll help clear they way and set an example for others to trust Jesus with their whole life.  John 10:10 "I have come that you may have life and life to the full." has been a favorite for years, but it has taken on a deeper meaning.  ".. that you may have life (all of it)..."  This last week I was in California at a conference and the question they kept asking again and again was "What's your story?"  I want to step into a place where I tell and live my story.   

Is it going to be easy? No. I have to retrain my decision making, recreate what it means to be safe.  This whole post was started today by doing battle with myself whether or not I could share a responsive journal entry to the question "What's your story?" there are parts in it I would normally leave out.... but that seemed playing the coward.  Yet at the same time I don't know if I'm ready to share with a blog, that isn't read, all of who I am.  To say it all in one go?  .....